Tuesday, January 17, 2012

Deeper-1b

reading-thought-for-today
I did not realize that Joseph is the first character in the Bible that God did not actually reveal Himself to.  He revealed Himself to Abe, Issac, Jacob - but not Joseph.  No direct communication through dreams or visits or prophets.  Yet Joseph's story of faithfulness and allowing God to shape his life is more exceptional than the others - and most similar to Christ's obedience.  Do I have that kind of faith? Or the kind that struggles even in the midst of Divine revelation? 

Deeper-1a

reading-thought-for-today
Am I like Joseph's brothers? When other people are promoted or encouraged or rewarded - am I jealous, envious, bitter?  Look where that gets you - Judah! The end result of a life-pursuing-self really is destruction. 

we-are-all-made-for-family

The past few weeks Psalms 68:6 has been the verse I can not escape. Its everywhere. Its in messages I hear, blogs I read, conversations I have. Its one of my most favorite verses (and the one before it) and I think it so clearly presents God's heart for humanity... "God sets the lonely in families".

Something I was reading last night used the natural biological family as the model for modern missions - saying that a family with multiple generations serving God understands the commitment to the next generation and to each other that it takes to build up a family of believers. Its one of the most insightful things I have ever heard. I've always respected the family unit and "knew" it was important to God, but this served as subtle reminder of how family is really part of God's perfect design for humanity. God has been setting the lonely in families since creation and how quickly I forget that He continues to operate in this same way today to effectuate the most signifigant personal transformation.

My house is always open.  Growing up ohana - family in Hawaiian - means that your house only exists  for and has value to the degree that others are using it. Preferably non-blood-related others. As usual, when emotion and fustration takes over, we are hardest pressed to see the very things right in front of us and this week was no different for me.  I walked down the aisle at my wedding to a song called Home, it was one of the only things about the ceremony itself that I had any preconeivede expections or opinions about.  Whatever marriage would be like, I have always hoped it would feel like home.  I was reminded this week that the desire God placed in my heart long ago for marriage to be that, was likely not for me - but for my husband, Richard.

I was complaining - as I often do to God - about how marriage is harder then I anticipated, and how I didn't feel at home - welcomed or appreciated or even loved - and reminded God of my ONE (ya right) request for marriage - then I felt that voice.  You know that voice.  Still - Small - Asking you questions you didn't want to consider.  What if the home I am creating isn't for you? I was taken back by the question - so I responded with a brilliant HUH? What if I am creating  home for Richard? And then like a flood it happened You've had a home your whole life, a great home. You have a thick and strong community of people who love and support you - who you know will stand by you and who have seen you at your ugliest - and have proven their long-suffering.  Richard needs that.  Its his turn now.  I've waited his whole life to give him a home so he can finally feel safe.  YOU need to be HIS HOME.  


Hardest-Thing-Ever

control-freak

From June 2010

Since finding out that I am pregnant, I have had the daily reminder that I am no longer in control of my body.  No matter what I eat or drink - I feel like c-rap!  No matter how much sleep I get - I feel like c-rap! No matter what medicine I take or how many times I am in the restroom re-visiting my lunch - I feel like c-rap!

You would think that serving the Lord as long as I have, I may have figured this out beforehand - surrender, humility, and all that great stuff.  But these daily reminders unfortunately present a stark contrast to my self perception just 15 weeks prior.   So I'm left with the question, do I actually believe I am not my own, do I live like it?

Truthfully, no.  If I was already in an honest state of surrender, I don't think it would be such a dramatic issue for me to come to grips with now that my body is PHYSICALLY no longer my own.  Why didnt I live like this before?