From June 2010
Since finding out that I am pregnant, I have had the daily reminder that I am no longer in control of my body. No matter what I eat or drink - I feel like c-rap! No matter how much sleep I get - I feel like c-rap! No matter what medicine I take or how many times I am in the restroom re-visiting my lunch - I feel like c-rap!
You would think that serving the Lord as long as I have, I may have figured this out beforehand - surrender, humility, and all that great stuff. But these daily reminders unfortunately present a stark contrast to my self perception just 15 weeks prior. So I'm left with the question, do I actually believe I am not my own, do I live like it?
Truthfully, no. If I was already in an honest state of surrender, I don't think it would be such a dramatic issue for me to come to grips with now that my body is PHYSICALLY no longer my own. Why didnt I live like this before?
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